


The Prayer Position

by SoulNarrative



Category: AFI
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 21:30:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulNarrative/pseuds/SoulNarrative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A chance meeting with someone from his childhood deepens Davey's friendship with Hunter and threatens his love affair with Nils. (Chapter titles are song titles from AFI's early work.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Single Second

**Author's Note:**

> Word count: 10873  
> Published: 11/05/2006 Updated: 11/18/2006

 

 

_ A Single Second _

_Oh my god, my god, this can't be happening!_  
 _God tell me, tell me this isn't real!_  
 _I can't believe all that I have foreseen is finally happening._  
 _I cannot for a single second stand the way I feel._  
 _I always knew, I always saw it coming._  
 _Enveloped now, encased by my worst fear._  
 _I've never felt the nausea of wanting to feel nothing, I never wanted to cease to exist, just disappear._  
 _Fear memories are all that lie ahead._  
 _Never have I felt so lost._  
 _Memories dull my senses._  
 _Fear tragedy is all that lies ahead._  
 _Never have I felt so dead._  
 _Once felt so warm, now I'm fucking freezing._  
 _I am the once embraced abandoned one._  
 _I raised my eyes up to the light in hopes of finding healing, no relief was mine._  
 _I was burnt by the sun/Son._  
_________________________________________________________

 

It was a mild afternoon in London. Davey was standing outside Starbucks, waiting for Hunter to return with coffee and tea. Davey felt right at home among the English tea-drinkers but Hunter despised the stuff and cursed the lack of "a decent cup of jo in this cold country." So they ended up at this American enterprise. Davey hated going all-U.S.A. in an exotic locale. 'What's next? McDonald's?,' he wondered with chagrin.

Just then Davey turned towards the door, looking for Hunter. A man brushed by him, mumbling an apology. The world fell away for a moment as something deep inside Davey recognized him.

In a voice foreign to his own ears, Davey called to the man's retreating back, "Father Phillip!" The man turned and took a few steps toward Davey. "Yes?," the stranger answered as he tried to focus on who had called his name.

***********************************************

Hunter spotted Davey and headed for him, being careful not to spill any of Davey's hot tea on himself. He'd already greedily polished off most of his coffee before leaving the store.

'What was this? Dave talking to a ...priest? This will be sweet!' Hunter snuck up behind Davey, anxious to hear what hilarious blasphemy he was going to throw at the sucka. Davey hated religious "hypocrites," as he called them. His bandmates and closest friends were all agnostic or atheist, so he felt well-supported. He loved to tell dirty jokes about priests, nuns, the Pope - the more outrageous, the better. Hunter was prepared to be amused.

Hunter had to edge closer, Davey's voice was so quiet. "It's David." No recognition showed on the man's face.

Davey tried again. "David Passaro Marchand...from St.  
Mary's." Again, nothing. "Ukiah, California...the summer of '85." Then, even softer so the man didn't hear, but Hunter did, "...I was ten."

"Ukiah! What a hick town!" The callousness of the priest's voice was a shocking contrast to his appearance.He was very handsome, although middle-aged. Thick, jet-black hair, graying at the temples; an olive complexion; strong, classic features: deep brown eyes, so different from Davey's. These eyes held no life, they revealed a heart grown cold.

"Twenty years is a long time..." The man searched his memory. Apparently giving up on remembering a ten-year-old David Marchand, he appraised Davey in a blatantly sexual manner. He smirked, "You certainly turned out to be a pansy."

Before Davey or Hunter could react, the priest turned on his heel and disappeared into the crowd.  
"What the fuck?!" Hunter exclaimed. "What a perverted asshole! Do you know that creep?"

Hunter looked at Davey for an answer and was shocked into silence. Davey was white as a ghost. His eyes were brimming with unshed tears, his lips trembling. He was glancing around wildly, mumbling, "I can't stay here, gotta get away."

Hunter put his arm around Davey's shoulders. "There's a little park across the way. Let's go there." Davey seemed not to hear, disassociated from his surroundings. Hunter steered him through the crowd and across the street and settled them on a park bench under an old weeping willow.

Hunter had abandoned his coffee but still carried Davey's tea. He put it to Davey's lips and kindly insisted he drink it. Why was Davey so upset? Stupid "pansy" and "fag" remarks usually rolled off his back. Besides, Hunter now realized, he was upset before the priest insulted him.

"Dave, who was that guy?"  
Davey let out a sigh, leaned back and closed his eyes. After a few minutes, he turned to Hunter. "Do you really want to know?" "Yeah, of course."

Davey studied his open palms, tracing the lines on one hand, then the other. Without emotion, he simply stated, "That was the Devil."

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=4340>


	2. A Single Second

_The Devil Loves You_

_Do you understand what I'm trying to say?_   
_Have you ever, ever felt this way?_   
_Tainted with rage you can't drain away or it will cost you your life._   
_I couldn't care more._   
_Do you ever absorb what shouldn't be touched?_   
_Have you ever cared, cared this much?_   
_Do you think it is I who is out of touch, or are you too scared to think at all?_   
_As your friends fall does it tear your heart?_   
_Do tears fill your eyes as your world falls apart?_   
_Do you notice at all, or are you sailing sublime?_   
_Am I completely alone?_

***************************************************

 

Hunter broke the long silence. "I heard you say you were ten..?"

He could see the inner struggle reflected on Davey's face: the desire to keep his secret and the desire to share it. He knew which it would be when Davey leaned over and placed his head in Hunter's lap and curled his legs up on the bench. His long fringe fell forward and covered his face. He left it there, hiding.

Hunter was unsure about how to respond to this act of intimacy. He saw Davey do similar things frequently with Adam and Jade (well, Jade had gotten touchy lately) but rarely had Davey sought that comfort with him, aside from the usual playfulness.

Hunter was touched by this gesture of trust and placed one hand lightly on Davey's shoulder and the other barely brushing the top of the head in his lap. He leaned down slightly to better hear Davey's solemn monologue.

"Summer, 1985. Our old priest had heart surgery and was recuperating out of state. The diocese sent this young guy, Father Phillip, to fill in that summer. He was only, like, 25."

"As you could see, he was gorgeous and all the parish ladies fell in love with him on sight. He was outgoing, charming, played a mean piano."

"Anyway, I had agreed to mow the lawn and help out around the rectory that summer to earn some money. And to stay out of trouble, my mother said. Little did she know what trouble awaited me."

"That meant I was around Father Phillip alot. And...umm...well...it ended up with him raping me three or four times a week until he was transferred elsewhere, in the Fall."

"I guess that's why, unlike most people, I don't care for that season, summer."

Hunter repeated Davey's words in his mind. They were simple and straightforward but he'd be damned if he could understand what Davey meant.

"Hunter? I'm sorry, I know it's disturbing. I shouldn't have told you." For the first time, Davey sounded regretful.

Shocked that his friend was apologizing, Hunter broke through his speechlessness. "Davey, oh god, no! I just can't get my mind wrapped around this..."

Davey ignored Hunter's reassurance and continued. "You know, nearly everyday for the past twenty years, I've wondered what I'd do and say if I ever saw him again. My fantasies ranged from opening his veins and bathing in his blood, to falling on my knees and begging him to be my beloved. The experience left me very...confused." Davey smiled sadly at his own understatement.

The memories were returning and Davey let them be spoken. "The first time was after I'd mowed the lawn. I was really too small to have been given such a task but I did my best. I was sweating profusely and he (Father Phillip) invited me to take a swim in the small lake down the hill from the rectory. I'd often snuck down there with friends, so I felt safe in the water."

"I was floating on my back, eyes closed, wearing just my boxers, when suddenly I was pulled under and held there while I struggled, sure I would drown. Then just as suddenly, he - the Father, of course- brought me up to the surface and dumped me on the bank, coughing up dirty water, trying to breathe."

"He flopped down beside me, laughing. I felt ashamed of my fear, certain that I had overeacted. Eventually, my lungs cleared and I could breathe normally. Still, I was shaken by the experience. Father Phillip picked me up and carried me all the way back to the rectory. He was surprisingly strong for a man of his vocation and his arms felt so protective."

"He got me all comfy on the old sofa and wrapped me in a light blanket, having removed my wet shorts. Then he brought me lemonade and saltines. The lemonade was the sweetest I'd ever tasted, but it had a strange aftertaste to it. After I quickly drained the glass, I felt very sleepy and passed out right there on the couch."

"When I awoke I was on my stomach on the floor. There was...was...a throw-pillow aginst my face. He was actually holding it in his hands and pressing it up against my face. Whether he was trying to suffocate me, muffle my screams or what, I'll never know. His weight was on me, he was lying on top of me...it was so hard to breathe. And then there was the pain...I couldn't understand how just a body part could inflict such agony."

"I guess I began to struggle. He let go the pillow and pinned my shoulders to the floor with his hands, holding me down. The pain down below got worse. It felt like a red-hot poker was puncturing my insides over and over. There was no way to escape it."

"Then he became very still and trembled all over. A bead of his sweat hit the back of my neck and slid down the side. He pulled out and that hurt terribly, too."

"I was crying and terrified and hurting so badly. He rolled me over, took me in those strong arms and told me he loved me. I could smell his aftershave mingled with his sweat. I liked that."

"He told me not to cry, that boys don't."

Hunter realized that he'd cut into his own palms with his fingernails, his hands fisted tight with tension. How could he respond to such a horror story?

"Hunter?" Davey's voice was high and childlike.

"Hm?"

"Do you hate me now?"

"Oh, Davey, no, no!" Hunter protested.

"Just wait. You will." Davey sighed with resignation and continued.

"It happened again less than a week later, under similar circumstances. Again he'd given me a snack with the sweet lemonade and I fell asleep. I hadn't connected the two yet. Again, I awoke as he was finishing sex with me.  
Again, I was hurting and crying and he told me he loved me."

"This time I asked -through my tears- why he hurt me so if he loved me. That's when the twisting of the fairy tale began."

"It went like this. It only hurt because I was so small and when I grew up to be a man, it would feel good and I'd like it as much as he did. That's when he'd come and take me away to live with him, anywhere I wanted. He promised that when I turned 18, he'd come back for me. I just had to be patient."

"I was smarter than I looked. I asked him why did he have to hurt me now? Why couldn't he be patient and wait until I grew up and it didn't hurt anymore?"

"I think my impertinence angered him because he narrowed his eyes and hissed, 'So you'll remember me while you wait.' That's when he warned me to keep it a secret. If I told anyone, he'd go to prison and would never take me away to exotic places. He said my family would be ex-communicated. My mother wouldn't be allowed to even light a candle for my father's soul. Such lies, such deception."

"After that I gave up and just did what I could to avoid and minimize. I think he pretty much broke me the very first time. I was too afraid of the repercussions to directly refuse or defy him. I was there when he wanted me. I figured out that there was something in the drinks that made me sleep, so I began to ask for it, that sweetness that numbed what always came afterward."

Davey paused, ashamed. "I became quite the disgusting little user of whatever it was."

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=4340>


	3. No Poetic Device

 

_No Poetic Device_

_I've been dreaming._   
_I was lucid._   
_I was dreaming blood was seeping from my pores._   
_Who'd believe that it was all my own decision..._   
_I just anticipate what awaits when I awake, BREAK!_   
_I die in my daydreams._   
_The gardens have all been overgrown._   
_I pushed my hand through the thorns just to crush the final rose._   
_A deadly secret only I suffer to know._   
_I can't eradicte what awaits when I awake, BREAK!_   
_I die in my daydreams._

 

"Dave, don't blame yourself. You were just a kid trying to survive." Hunter tried to reason with him, giving his shoulder a light squeeze.

"I did put up some passive resistance. Sometimes I could put him off for a day or two by telling him that my mother had found blood on my underwear or that I'd dirtied my bed in my sleep because my bowel habits were so screwed up. Both of those were true. I explained the blood to my mother as a bicycle accident and the other as having eaten something at a friend's that gave me the runs."

"He finally hit upon the idea of lubrication, thinking that if I were injured less to begin with, he wouldn't have to wait so long for me to heal. He chose to use sacramental oil. I had the most blessed asshole in the parish." A wry smile passed over Davey's lips that made Hunter queasy.

"You know what was amazing? He always used a condom. So as not to leave evidence, I suppose. Lucky for me, since HIV was rampant in the '80s in California, 'tho no one knew it then. How does a priest get his hands on condoms, you might wonder? I'll tell you how. He confiscated them from all the couples who came to confess they were having non-procreational sex. Just imagine the evil genius of such a scheme!"

"Unfortunately, there were a few more unplanned pregnancies conceived that summer, but he had the supplies he needed to continue his rape-campaign with me." Davey gave a mirthless laugh. "So I got the small favors of lubrication and disease protection. All I had to do was wait for him to be transferred. I told myself over and over to wait till the Fall comes. One day in late September, he just disappeared."

"After that, I started having trouble sleeping. I think I was afraid of what might happen if I fell into a deep sleep, like when I was with him. I had to be wakeful, watchful. Fucking insomnia has owned me ever since."

Hunter, like many, was well aware of Davey's bizarre sleep patterns, or lack thereof, but after ten years of knowing the man, it had become the new norm. It was another one of those Davey-things that made him seem eerily unhuman at times.

"That's when my weight problems started. I'd be awake in the middle of the night, all alone, so I'd pig out on sweet stuff. I rapidly gained quite a bit of weight, but I didn't care. It gave me some protection and if I was being teased for being fat, they weren't seeing the other, darker things that were wrong with me. When I hit puberty, the extra weight fell away, anyway."

"And you've been perfect ever since, girlfriend," Hunter replied in his falsetto, the-artist-formerly-known-as-Prince voice. Davey groaned and snickered into Hunter's knee.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=4340>


	4. Three Reasons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bike incident refers to a verse in "Now The World."  
> 11/14/06 Please note I revised the very end of this chapter. It explains why Davey thinks Jade doesn't need to know his secret.

_Three Reasons_

_Where were you? Say you were gone?_   
_Ask me and I'll swear you were there all along._   
_Another place? Another state?_   
_At any rate, I can't relate._   
_There's no two ways, you're a disgrace._   
_Drown down your fear, suffocate every spark of clarity._   
_Your weakness sickens me, saddens me, strengthens me._   
_There's no way to flee responsibility._   
_Who's to blame? Who's in the wrong?_   
_The truth from which you hide-it was you all along._   
_You were there, you didn't care._   
_Your heart and mind were self-impaired._   
_Now all that's left is our despair._

 

 

There was another long silence and Hunter wondered if Davey's story had ended. Aloud, he mused, "When I was ten, I learned to skateboard and train my dog. That was my summer...and this was yours." His voice broke with unexpected emotion.

"I'm sorry to say that there were many boys made miserable during summers such as mine. You saw it yourself - he still wears the collar. He's never been caught, or if he has, he's been protected from any consequences."

"That's so wrong, Dave!"

"Who's fault might that be? Mine, perhaps. I never told."

"We were almost found out once. I must have overdosed on the spiked lemonade, then tried to ride my bike home. I passed out and laid by the side of the road until a little search party found me in the morning."

"Father Phillip was with them. He told them I'd just left the rectory an hour earlier, having stayed the night there when a painting project kept me late."

"The man was a natural-born liar and they believed him. He was forgiven for neglecting to call my mother and tell her of the supposed arrangement. And how to explain that I was "sleeping" when they found me by the roadside? It didn't even come up."

Davey was quiet for awhile. Hunter could almost feel him sorting out his thoughts.

"You know the strangest thing of all? In the twenty years of wondering what would happen if I ever saw him again, it never once occurred to me that he simply wouldn't remember me, that I'd ceased to exist. Just a hick from a hick-town who grew up to be a pansy."

"He influenced my life nearly more than anyone, but to him, I was nothing, from nowhere, no one at all. How can that be?" For the first time, Davey turned his face up to look at Hunter, searching his concerned blue eyes for an answer. Hunter looked down into Davey's velvet-brown ones and the pain he saw there was hard to bear.

"Dave, who else knows all this?" Surely, Davey couldn't have carried this alone for twenty years.

"Just Adam."

"You mean just Adam, besides your family...and Jade."

"NO! Just Adam!" Davey was sorry he'd snapped at Hunter and tried to temper his words. "And now you. Welcome to my secret show, Hunt."

"Davey. Your _family_ doesn't know what happened to you??"

"Why should they? I might as well put a knife in my mother's heart. Forget it. And I made sure Michael was safe growing up. That's all that matters."

"Not Jade, either?" Hunter was finding this incredulous.

Davey looked truly anxious. "Please don't ever tell him! He respects me and it means the world to me. I can't lose that."

"But, Dave, you've written hundreds of songs together!  
I mean, no offense, but your lyrics can be really brutal-unlike you. Doesn't he ever ask _why_ you write what you do?"

"Brutal. Interesting word. Why would that make him want to discuss their origins?"

"Because he cares about you. Doesn't he?"

Davey was losing patience. As if explaining something very simple to someone very slow, he said, "Hunter. If Jade cared about me he'd do everything in his power to help me transform what is brutal into what is healing;  
what makes no sense into perfect sense; what made me want to die into what makes others want to live; what made me hate myself into what helps others love their hate and use it to feed their fire. He helps me take the horrible and make it beautiful. He is my exorcist. Without his musical genius, my lyrics are just words on a page."

"He does all this without discussion, he just _knows_. So to answer your question...yes, Jade cares about me. I never doubt that."

Hunter was chastened by Davey's outburst. "Okay, Dave, I get it. Jade doesn't need to know the details."

Davey sighed in relief, reassured that Hunter wouldn't tell Jade his secret.

"But if you don't mind me asking, why does Adam know?"

Davey stared at the pattern on the lawn made by the swaying willow branches. "He deserved an explanation after saving my life. I wanted him to understand why I'd tried to kill myself."

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=4340>


	5. Coin Return

  _Coin Return_

_I have slipped and I have fallen so far down I can't get out._   
_Overwhelmed by my doubt._   
_Things I said I'd never do I've done._   
_Those I said I'd never be I've become._   
_I have broken-I'm still breaking-cracked and wrecked, beyond repair._   
_I can see that no one cares._   
_Forgotten. Recalled._   
_Smacks me in the face every time I fall._   
_I cannot disregard, with each new fall, I hit twice as hard._

 

 

"WHAT?! When was that?!" Hunter was reeling again with Davey's revelation that he had made a suicide attempt.

"Another summer, when I was 18. My priestly prince never showed to take me away. Surprise, not."

"And there was this guy, my age, who came to all our shows that summer. During our last show, before we left for college, he was in front of me the entire night. It was obvious he wanted to get together afterward."

"It turned me on. We met after the show and went out to the alley behind the club. Things happened very quickly and before I knew it, I was face-first against the brick wall and getting fucked. No lube, no prep, nothing."

"It didn't hurt as much as when I was a kid, but it didn't feel good either, as Father Phillip had led me to believe. I don't think the guy even kissed me before he yanked open the door and disappeared in the crowd inside. He left a used condom at my feet, like a memento."

"So. Adam and I were going to start college in a new town, away from our families. The Father hadn't made a redeeming reappearance to right the wrong he'd done me. My singular adult sexual experience had been disappointing, to put it mildly. Worst of all, the band was breaking up. All the cathartic writing, screaming and acting out in daily practice and on stage were the only things keeping me half-sane."

Davey smiled sardonically. "Can you imagine me as Dr. or Professor Marchand?" He gave an exaggerated shudder.

Hunter was surprised at the conviction in his own voice. "Yes. Yes, I can see you as a psychologist or Lit professor, Dave."

"That means alot coming from a man who's finishing his Master's while rocking the planet on tour." Davey gave him a warm smile with lots of crinkles.

"But Davey Havok was, is, me. If he was going to die, I didn't want to live. Swaying from the end of an extension cord in an abandoned garage seemed like a solution at the time."

"It makes sense, in a sick way. I don't blame you for considering it." Hunter was trying to sound sympathetic while pushing away the horrible image in his mind. 'Fuck, why did he have to be so good with words?'

"No. I was just being selfish. I had no right to hurt my family and friends like that. I'll never forgive myself for putting Adam through finding me."

"So what happened? You must've been lucky." Hunter was dreading the details Davey might reveal but couldn't stop himself from asking.

"It was weird. We held band practice every day in this unused garage. We'd cancelled for that day because Mark had a doctor's appointment."

"I had everything rigged up, tested the crossbeam to be sure it'd hold my weight, had the cord on, tied and knotted."

"I was actually standing on the workbench stool, gathering the courage to kick it away, when in walks Adam."

"He started yelling and screaming, so that was the end of that. I was so pissed off. I didn't understand why he'd shown up since we'd all agreed there'd be no practice that day. He insisted -and still does- that practice was never cancelled."

"We both got a little hysterical and I ended up spilling my guts to him, going back eight years. So I stayed alive, went to school for awhile, came back to Ukiah on break and we played a reunion show. AFI was born in earnest. You know the story from there."

Davey sat up and stretched his legs out in front of him like a cat and then crossed them at the knee in that elegant way he had. Hunter watched out of the corner of his eye as Davey settled back and placed his hands serenely in his lap. He gazed out at the scenery, his expression zen-like.

His composure appeared genuine but Hunter doubted it could be, now knowing everything his friend carried within.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=4340>


	6. On The Arrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter where Hunter gets to satisfy his curiousity (no, not like that.)

_On The Arrow_

_He said, "Who truly belongs here?"_   
_"Not I," she said, "I'll lie here with you."_   
_He knows no one shines forever,_   
_They change with the weather._   
_He said, "I've now stayed too long here."_   
_"Goodbye," she said, "I'll wait here for you."_   
_He knows the winds carry sorrow,_   
_As they leave, she'll follow._   
_They leave tomorrow._   
_Fragments of joy torn apart,_   
_a freshly drained heart that beats,_   
_disguised themselves through him._   
_He'll say that it's nothin' new_   
_and swear this is true._   
_For you, I'd swallow the ocean._   
_He said, "Who truly belongs here?"_   
_"Not I," she said, "I'll lie here to you._   
_I know that sorrow is sacred and I'll never break you._   
_I'll softly save you."_

 

 

 

Hunter had known Davey for over ten years. Much of that time, they lived together in one form or another: shared housing, touring vans and buses, hotels, visiting each other's families.

He knew when he met him, he wanted Davey to be a friend for life, and that's the kind of friend he'd be. Still, no matter how close he thought they were, Hunter knew there was a certain point that he couldn't pass. There was a part of himself that Davey kept hidden, and then lamented his loneliness.

Hunter hoped that barrier had been removed, at least for now. Davey had said he now belonged to a very exclusive club, his "secret show", and Hunter wanted to use his new membership.

"Dave, don't answer this if you don't want to..."

"It's okay. What is it, Hunt?" His tone was light, conversational. Good.

"Well, given all that you went through...why aren't you turned off guys completely?"

Davey chuckled. "Attraction is...complicated. For everyone, even you, if you think about it."

Hunter thought about it, but his contemplation was cut short by Davey's voice. "And I did try for years to lead a less...complicated life with Monica."

'Holy shit! He's talking about Monica! That's taboo.' Hunter struck while the iron was hot. "Did you love her, Dave?"

"Mmhmm. I did. She was sweet, pretty, smart, loved me. Gave me all the freedom I wanted, which was alot given the band's status at the time."

"I felt safe with her. I didn't want to lose that feeling of security...What you really want to know is how was the sex?" Davey's eyes crinkled at the corners.

Hunted nodded sheepishly.

"Pretty good, actually. Maybe not as frequent as some couples, but I was on the road alot anyway. She seemed content - at least until the last year or so."

"Now you're wondering how content was I..." Davey smiled slyly at him. Hunter hoped this wasn't going to be "tmi."

"Well, here's another secret: I'd been crazy about Jade since we first met, as kids."

Hunter struggled to maintain a neutral expression, hearing this "secret" that everyone knew. He thought Davey's self-deception was amusing.

"Two years age difference places you in different worlds until you're an adult. So until we were both in bands,we were outside each other's orbit."

"When Mark left and Loose Change broke up, I went right after Jade. When he joined AFI, it was a dream come true. Still is. It's turned out to be so much better than I ever hoped."

"Of course, we were just best friends, bandmates. That was great until we toured for Sing the Sorrow. Too much closeness, man. I came back from that tour crazed with frustration."

"That was part of my insanity when Monica broke up with me. I was pushed to the limit with my attraction for Jade and I didn't want to admit I'd used her to distract myself from that. I blamed everyone but myself for her leaving me."

"Honestly, much of my overreaction - which led to some embarrassing public moments - was to hide the fact that I wasn't an entirely innocent victim. When she walked out with Skiba, my straight credentials went with her."

Davey shifted a bit and Hunter thought he was feeling guilty.

"But it makes for some dynamite songs, doesn't it?" Davey was actually smirking! Hunter just stared at him in disbelief, remembering their last concert two nights ago. Davey had been on the verge of tears while singing _Endlessly, She Said._

"Speaking of Jade, I'm sure he and Adam are wondering what's happened to us. And it's getting chilly." Davey grabbed Hunter's hand and pulled him to his feet. "Let's get a lift back to the hotel."

They waited on the curb, still holding hands. Davey wrapped his free hand around his throat. "Damn Jade. Why won't he ever lend me his scarves? It's _my_ throat that needs protecting. I'm the vocalist, after all. Nobody comes to hear his caterwauling. Oh, don't get me wrong - his guitarplaying makes me wanna come..."

Hunter burst out laughing. Davey grinned, happy he'd dispersed the clouds, at least for awhile.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=4340>


	7. Keeping Out Of Direct Sunlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Davey and Hunter return to the band's hotel suite...

_Keeping Out Of Direct Sunlight_

 

_We are the ones with the radiating eyes,_   
_We are the ones with a fire inside,_   
_We are the ones only we can recognize._   
_We've been rejected._   
_Suffered the ignorance, suffered the selfishness, been pushed so far down._   
_Now comes our time to surface._   
_Turn from the light that made them all go blind._   
_We've been protected._   
_All arise to what we bring,_   
_Outstretched hands, unfolded wings._   
_We've hurt ourselves and I feel the sting_   
_Of broken hearts and burning wings._

 

 

"Where have you two been? That was the longest coffee run ever! Why weren't you answering your phones?" Smith was nearly manic with questions.

Barely audible, Hunter replied,"I turned them off."

"We were starting to worry you'd run into Jack the Ripper and he'd mistaken Davey for a hooker. He'd be found in pieces in the morning." Jade wiped away an imaginary tear. "And that'd be the end of the tour."

"You know there is a theory that Jack the Ripper went mad after a botched circumcision that castrated him."

Adam groaned "Oh, Davey..." and everyone rolled their eyes.

"Anyway, I'd just sing him Moz's song about him and he'd be so entranced, he wouldn't harm a hair on my head."

Davey went straight to Jade and slid into his lap. "Only Jade the Ripper gets to lay a hand on me." He wound his arm around Jade's neck.

Jade shoved him off his lap. Like a cat, Davey landed lightly on his feet. "Really. What did you guys do? Visit the Tower for some creepy lyrical inspiration, Dave?"

"You are all the inspiration I need, Creep!" Davey dove at Jade and buried both hands in his carefully styled hair, twisting his fingers like little mixers.

Jade lept up, throwing his book to the floor. "Goddamn you, Davey! I'm gonna kick your ass!" You know how long it takes...!"

Davey was pointing at him, giggling. "Oh, your face is so red! And your HAIR!" He pantomimed Jade's mutilated mulhawk, doubling over with laughter. Adam and Smith joined in and Jade struggled to contain his fury.

Hunter's voice broke in, edged with genuine anger. "Can't we hang out together without all of you?! What's the big fucking deal?!"

The room was suddenly silent as everyone turned to stare at Hunter. Davey shot him a warning glance, then resumed his antics.

"Let's come clean, Hunt." He slid his arm around Hunter's waist and addressed their friends. "We finally did it. So, let's see..." He began to count on his fingers. "I've had Adam, Smith, Fritch, RJ and now Hunter."

He fixed his gaze on Jade. "That leaves just you. When are you going to succumb to my charms, Puget?" Jade tried to stare him down. Davey turned away, letting him think he'd won. Then from over his shoulder, "But fix your hair first."

Adam and Smith laughed along with Davey. Jade punched a button on his sidekick and loudly said, "Marissa, PLEASE!" Davey gave him the finger and turned to the other men.

"I'm starving." He looked at them intently as if expecting them to solve his dilemma. It worked and everyone began discussing dinner plans.

Davey took the opportunity to step off stage for a moment and rest inside himself. He really wasn't hungry at all. When he closed his eyes he saw the priest's face again and felt nauseous. He slipped off to the bathroom.

Jade had walked into a bedroom, still talking to his girlfriend. Smith followed on his heels, just to be annoying.

Now alone with Hunter, Adam asked, "So what really happened, Hunt? Something's up."

Hunter hesitated before answering. "I don't know if I should tell you, Adam. But I think you, if anyone, should know."

"Okay...what?" Adam's curiousity was piqued.

"Dave saw that priest."

"What priest...? Oh shit, you mean..."

"Yeah, the one from Ukiah when he was a kid."

"That's impossible! In London?!"

"It was him for sure. He answered when Dave called his name."

"He _talked_ to him!?"

Hunter nodded. "But he didn't remember Dave, not at all. Can you believe that - to not remember him after what he did to him?"

"Wait. How much did Dave tell you?"

"Pretty much everything, I think. He told me about you saving him, too, Adam. Jesus."

"Well, that beats all. So, is he telling anybody else?"

"NO! Definitely not Jade or his family. I don't know about Nils. They haven't been together that long."

"So how is he? He seemed like himself when you came back, but I could tell he was pushing it, covering up."

"I honestly don't know how he is, after seeing the act he put on. It's like I know him less than I did this morning." Hunter looked around. "Where is he anyway?"

"Saw him go into the bathroom." They had the same thought at the same time. They jumped up and ran to the bathroom door. "Dave!" They yelled in unison.

The door opened slowly. "Yesss?" He looked mildly from one to the other. "Just freshening my makeup before we go to dinner. Where are we going?"

 

*****************************************

After dinner, they went back to the hotel before heading out to the shows and clubs. To have a night off to enjoy London was a real treat.

Jade had stopped at the front desk to check for messages. When he got back to the room, he handed Davey a small envelope. "Checkitout, bro. Betcha ten quid that's from Nilsbaby."

"Thank you," Davey replied cooly, plucking it from Jade's fingertips. Jade knew Davey hated it when anyone referred to Nils that way.

"You haven't called or texted him every hour like usual," Adam fixed him with a lopsided grin.

Smith whined in a falsetto," Ooo, Davey, I need you to text me _now_ , text me _hard_!

"Shutupfuckface." Davey threw a sofa pillow at his head.

Hunter said nothing but thought it odd indeed that Davey had ignored Nils all day.

Jade continued the teasing. "Wait, did you feel that? The earth just went off its axis. The Nils-Davey connection must be weakening."

"Like you can talk, Mr. Festa," Davey shot back at him.

Smith grabbed Davey's sidekick. "Lessee, one, two...five messages from the Slin." He tossed it to Davey, who caught it and slid it in his pocket. "Better touch back, DH. You'll worry the boy."

Davey made no reply. He pulled out a pound note and dropped it in Jade's lap as he passed by on his way to his bedroom. He vanished inside and closed the door.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=4340>


	8. The New Patron Saints and Angels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter and it is long! I'm posting it in parts, just to be sure it's not lost and to feed the readers.

_The New Patron Saints and Angels_  

_I've seen the light that emanates from you,_   
_And it makes me feel proud,_   
_A voice of reason above the muffled crowd._   
_Such will to live and you've got so much to give,_   
_Long lost sincerity._   
_Lost in a world that's been scorched to black._   
_Lost in myself until I finally find_   
_A guide in you and gratitude is mine._   
_I admire the way you shine._   
_Stare down the day from which others shield their eyes,_   
_With complete clarity and no trace of apathy._   
_So positive, and your heart you freely give,_   
_Long lost vivacity._   
_Lost in a world that's scorched to black._   
_Lost in myself until I finally find_   
_A guide in you and gratitude is mine._   
_I admire the way you shine._

 

Nils could barely contain his excitement as the elevator approached the tenth floor, where the band's suite was located. Davey had never flown him over to join him on tour.

Truth be told, it was Adam who'd called and told him to pack a bag for a long weekend. This was supposed to be a surprise for Davey, he'd said. That still didn't explain why Davey hadn't contacted him in three days. If he didn't hear Davey's voice soon... When Nils asked Adam is Davey was all right, he was told, "He will be when you  
get here." That had relieved his anxiety but explained nothing.

Adam and Hunter had decided on this course of action after discussing Davey's continuing avoidance of Nils. Hunter was mystified by Davey's nonchalance, when he knew Davey was head-over-heels in love with the boy.

"I know what's going on in his head," Adam confided. "He's sabotaging his own happiness again. Anytime a relationship gets too good, he does what he can to screw it up."

Adam offered his theory. "He's convinced himself that he's ruining Nils' youth, or some such bullshit. He's going to do him the 'favor' of breaking up with him."

"But Nils couldn't care less about their age difference! Look at Jade and Marissa - that's worse!" Hunter exclaimed, ending in laughter.

"And being Davey Havok's lover has earned him the scorn and pity of his circle of model and musician friends, I'm sure," Adam added sarcastically.

"Seriously," Hunter agreed, dryly.

"But...Dave can be a stubborn, arrogant ass when it comes to saving the world from himself..."

Hunter interrupted, singing in a melodramatic voice, "And I hope to shade the world as stars go out and I dis...in...te..graaaatte!!!"

Adam joined in Hunter's guffaws. When he could speak again, he affirmed Hunter's view. "Exactly. He doesn't stop to ask if the world _wants_ to be saved from him."

"We'll have to get Nils over here and hope he can do the convincing himself, if you know what I mean." Adam gave Hunter a conspiratorial wink.

 

****************************

Nils scanned the room numbers as he came down the hall. "Room 1134. This is it." His stomach was full of butterflies. He gathered his courage and knocked hesitantly. "Hello! It's Nils. Open up!," keeping his voice low.

He heard the locks clicking and Jade threw open the door and yelled, "Checkitout! It's the Slin, all the way from the City of Angels!"

"Sshh! It's a surprise! Is Davey here?" Nils whispered.

"Yeah, he's in his bedroom, I think. But this is so not fair! Why do you get to come over?"

"It's nice to see you, too, Jade. And I don't know why - it wasn't my idea, or Davey's. Ask Adam."

Jade gave Nils a "nuggie" on top of his head. "Cute haircut!"

Nils ducked away and glared at him, smoothing his hair. He held his tongue but inwardly threatened him, 'Stop or I'll tell Davey!' He felt juvenile, exactly how Jade wanted him to feel. Aloud, all Nils said was, "Where's his room?"

Jade, still smirking, pointed his long, thin index finger to a door at the end of the hall.

*********************************

Nils had planned a dramatic entrance, catching Davey unawares, giving himself the upper hand, at least momentarily.

Instead, he found himself listening at the door before stealthily turning the knob. He peeked in and what he saw made his heart skip a beat.

Davey was sitting in the middle of the bed, legs curled underneath him. His head was down and he was focused on a notebook, on which he was madly scribbling. (Nils had recently encouraged him to abandon the notebooks and use a laptop exclusively. Davey had brushed him off. "I've been writing songs since I was six. I didn't have a laptop then and I don't need one now." Nils had teased him about showing his age and Davey had furrowed his brow and promised a punishment that made Nils giggle.)

His free hand played with his lipring. He was bobbing his head to the music coming through his Ipod, snatches of lyrics escaping on his breath. He was wearing his LOW tshirt and a very old pair of black jeans, holes worn in the knees. Nils noticed a new pair of slip-ons on the floor by the bed. They were white with piggy faces on the top.

Nils mentally appraised him, 'Oh, Davey, you look like you're ten, not thirty.' He felt his love for this man well up inside. This was a Davey Havok few people ever saw, unobserved and unassuming. Self-contained, yet vulnerable. What was it he had wished for - invincibility? Seeing him like this, Nils understood why. It was harder than ever to press his advantage of surprise, but Nils knew it was the only way to have any control of the situation.

Nils stepped inside and slammed the door. Davey jumped to his knees, accidentally yanking out his earbuds and knocking the notebook to the floor. For a brief moment, Nils saw...what was it...fear, in Davey's eyes? Then it was gone, as Davey recovered his equipoise.

"Nils! My god, what are you doing here?!"

Nils didn't bother to answer. He charged across the room and knocked Davey backward on the bed, letting him feel his full weight, slight as he was, holding him down. Then, of course, he kissed him.

Davey released a deep sigh. It had been so long since he'd felt those warm, full lips against his. As always, Nils gave a sharp tug on his lipring, sending signals of arousal through his body. Their lips began to open further but Davey slipped his slender fingers between their mouths, breaking the kiss.

"Nils, we need to talk." Davey's tone was serious, sad. He looked into Nils eyes and saw the fear of rejection there. He also saw anger.

"No, Davey! We obviously do _not_ need to talk or I would've heard from you in the past three days! You didn't need to talk to me then and I don't need to talk to you now!"

He grabbed Davey's hand away from his mouth and held his wrist down firmly on the bed. Davey was taken aback. He'd never seen Nils so upset and so...forceful. He noticed his body reacting as his tight jeans got a bit tighter.

Feeling guilty, Davey decided to give up fighting. He couldn't win against his body's desire and Nils' protests. The young man sprawled on top of him was too beautiful, he loved him too much and they had been parted too long.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=4340>


	9. The New Patron Saints..

 Nils released Davey's wrist when he felt him relax. Davey slid his hands into Nils' hair and pulled his head down 'til their lips touched. He tilted his chin up so he could press his open mouth against Nils'. He was about to slide his tongue inside when he stopped and tugged on the short strands of hair falling around Nils' face.

"You cut your hair!" Davey smiled approvingly.

"That's not all. Wait 'til you see this!" Nils grinned slyly as he got up on his knees and stripped off his shirt. He unbuttoned his pants and pushed them below his hips. He twisted slightly so Davey could see the tattooed line of cursive that flowed along his side, just above his hip.

Davey raised up on his elbows and stretched out a hand. He traced the words with a slender, lavender-tipped finger. Nils watched his face as Davey blinked away the tears welling up in his eyes. Davey's hand trembled a little and he looked up at Nils through wet, long, dark lashes. His lips moved to speak the words his finger traced but nothing came out.

Nils spoke softly. "'And I'll Grow Pale Without You', because it's true, Davey."

He laid back down on Davey, whose strong arms immediately wrapped him in a tight embrace. A single, shuddering sob escaped Davey's lips. Nils gave him an understanding kiss on his neck.

Davey was moved beyond words to see his own words inked forever into Nils' flesh. It always amazed and humbled him when fans would show him similar tattoos, but this meant so much more. Nils was truly his intimate, really knew him, not just Davey Havok.

When Davey’s embrace loosened, Nils jumped off the bed and slipped off his pants. He put one knee on the bed and pulled on Davey’s tshirt. “Come on, I want to see your ink, too. I never get to see it enough. If I owned you I’d make you walk around naked all the time."

Returning Nil’s smile, Davey sat up and pulled off the shirt. Nils put his hand in the middle of Davey’s flaming heart and pushed him back down. He unsnapped and unzipped the worn, black jeans and tugged down at the hips. Obligingly, Davey lifted his ass an inch and Nils rolled them down passed his muscular thighs and then yanked them off in one swift motion.

Davey watched Nil’s face as he took in his naked form. Nils’ gaze locked on Davey’s crotch. His smile was replaced by a look of pure lust as he focused on Davey’s penis, so large for such a small man. He noted the beaded ring that adorned the head and remembered how much pleasure that steel ball had caused him as it struck his prostate over and over.

Nils’ eyes widened in astonishment as he saw that Davey had a surprise of his own. “Davey…you shaved…everything. Fuck.”

“There’s nothing worse than getting your pubic hair caught in your zipper in the middle of a show. Sometimes my screams were unintended! The downside is that there’s no going back. Pube hair stubble is murder.”

Davey’s cock was reacting to Nil’s attention and was getting harder with every second Nils continued to stare at it. A glance at Nils’ silk, lowrise boxers disclosed that his body was reacting in similar fashion.

“That haircut reveals your long neck beautifully, Nils. I want to kiss and bite it. Bring it down here.” Nils did as he was told. Davey’s lips grazed up and down the length of it, at first barely touching, so that only his lipring made contact. He increased the pressure with each pass until he was sucking the tender, pale skin. When he began to use his teeth, Nils gave a little gasp with each nip.

They were both quite hard. Nils, without meaning to, had been grinding his crotch into Davey’s. Davey had been gripping Nils’ shoulders from behind, trapping his neck against his mouth but now Davey played his hands up and down Nils’ long back. Nils lowered his head so they could kiss.

Davey squeezed Nils’ shoulder blades and grasped his sides as his hands slid down to Nils’ silk boxers and pushed them down over his rounded buttocks. He kneaded the buttocks, so soft to touch but so youthfully firm. Nils never set foot in a gym for his own sake, as his physique could attest. Long and willowy, he seemed almost boneless and as hairless as a boy half his age. He had accompanied Davey to his workouts, deemed necessary to maintain strength for performing and to keep his immune system in top condition. More than once, Nils had snuck into the sauna when he knew Davey had finished his exercise and given him head in the dim, damp heat.

Davey stretched his small, delicate hands as far down Nils’ backside as they’d reach. He mentally cursed his own relatively short stature. As if reading his mind, Nils inched up Davey so he could reach more of his bottom. Nils was aching for Davey’s fingers to enter him.

They were both getting too distracted by what was happening down below to maintain the kissing. They broke the kiss and Nils made pleasure sounds as Davey circled his entrance with a fingertip, being careful not to graze the sensitive skin with his long nail. He pressed the pad of his thumb against the center of the pucker and Nils groaned , “Ummm, yesss.”

“I don’t have any lube, honey. I don’t bother when I’m touring - I’m chaste as Mother Teresa. We’ll have to find something else.” Davey was hesitant to stop their foreplay and go in search of lotion or something.

“Let me ask Jade. I bet he has some,” Nils giggled.

Davey gave a light slap to his bottom. “Nils! Hush!” He was trying hard to sound stern.

“Please? Let me walk up to him just like this, naked with my big hard-on and say, “Jadey, Dave needs to borrow your lube so we can fuck.”

Davey was laughing now and could only exclaim, “Jade’s not gay!!” That only made them both laugh harder.

Finally, Davey got control of himself. “Nils, be nice to Jade. You know we’re best boyfriends forever.”

Nils’ voice betrayed his annoyance. “Does _he_ know that ? He hasn’t been very nice to you lately. He can be as obnoxious as he wants to be with other people but you don’t deserve that.”

“What in the world are you talking about? He’s not obnoxious, to me or anyone else. He has a very dry, often absurd sense of humor that some people misinterpret. I think he’s terribly witty and entertaining.”

“Davey, admit it! He’s arrogant and cold much of the time!”

“No way! He’s _shy_ , miserably shy. He doesn’t know what to do without a guitar or keyboard in his hand. I try to help him by taking on most of the interviews and fans, so he doesn‘t feel so awkward.”

Nils fell silent. Davey was loyal to a fault sometimes, in his opinion. He didn’t want to argue about Jade now. He changed the subject .

He pressed his mouth to Davey’s ear and purred, “We could do it raw. Would you like that?”

He jumped when Davey nearly shouted at him. “NO! Don’t ever ask me that again! Your body is sacred to me and I won’t do that to you!”

“Okay, Davey. I was just curious. Lighten up…” Nils placed a soft kiss on Davey’s mouth and stroked his cheek, hoping to placate him.

Davey felt terrible for having been so harsh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. And you know I’m not a prude. I’ll do almost anything you want me to…just not that.”

Nils was anxious to restore their previous mood. “Agreed,” he sealed it with a kiss. “There’s no reason to anyway,” he grinned at Davey and sprang off the bed. He grabbed his pants and plucked a small tube from a back pocket. He lay down alongside Davey and pressed the tube into his hand. “You don’t think I’d get within ten feet of you without this.”

“Naughty Nils, always prepared. Good thing, too,” Davey said as he gripped Nils’ leg under the knee and lifted it up over his hip, opening him wide. How he wanted him right then and there. He reminded himself that Nils would need extra prepping, it had been so long.

They were lying on their sides, an arm trapped beneath the other, so it took teamwork to uncap and dispense the lube onto Davey’s fingers. He immediately coated Nil’s hole, then pushed a lubed finger inside him. Nils made a sound like, “mmmmm” and pushed back, eager for more. Davey was grateful that Nils was as impatient as he.

He added another finger and pushed them against Nils’ insides in a circular motion. He opened his fingers in a wide V several times, feeling a little more stretch each time.

Davey’s erection was pressed hard against Nils’ stomach, his piercing threatening to bury itself in his navel. He panted into Nils’ ear, “How do you want it, babe?”

“Let’s kiss some more, then I’ll change position.” They resumed deep kissing but Nils knew this wasn’t going to last long. Davey was finger-fucking his ass and tongue-fucking his mouth. He seemed desperate to get inside him. Nils felt a flash of pride that he could make the beautiful, sexy Davey Havok so hot. No regrets that he’d given his virginity to this man!

Nils broke the kiss and pushed gently away from Davey. He rolled off the side of the bed and lay on his stomach, knees bent and on the floor, presenting himself to be taken from behind. “Like this,” he smiled up at Davey and pulled him by the hand.

Davey just said, “Oh, yeah,” as he imitated Nils roll-off and knelt between his open legs. Nils spread them further apart for him. Davey leaned over him to grab the lube. He put a generous amount in his palm and wrapped his hand around his penis and stroked once, coating it from base to piercing. Touching the piercing ring made him shudder. He was rock-hard and easily entered Nils.

Nils gasped at the intense sensation of the cool metal bead entering him, immediately followed by the hot, wide shaft. It seemed to take forever for Davey to inch its entire length inside. When he had, Nils felt near to bursting. Davey held still, relishing the heat and pressure of Nils’ surrounding him, while Nils wriggled his hips a bit for comfort.

“Okay, Davey, move,” Nils encouraged him. Davey slowly pulled halfway out, then pushed in again. He repeated the movement, his eyes closing, hissing, “Oh, christ.”

He pulled out his length until only the head remained inside, then like a slingshot that had been released he thrust himself in hard, all the way to his shaved pubes. He hit Nils’ spot dead-on and was rewarded with a cry of surprised pleasure from the young man. “Oh, again!” Nils begged. Davey complied and repeated the motion. He couldn’t stop.

He was thrusting hard and deep, Nils being nudged forward with the force of each entry. He cried out every time Davey’s piercing punched his prostate. He remembered being intimidated by it the first time they had sex. Now he couldn’t imagine sex without it. He loved Davey’s “sex weapon,“ as he called it. There was no way he could deepthroat it, but he hadn’t mastered that technique, anyway. He envied Davey who, despite throat surgery, was still a master at it.

Davey fought to control his instinct, keeping his strokes long and slow, for Nils’ benefit, so he didn‘t go numb from over-stimulation. Nils could tell from the sounds Davey was making that he needed to come, so he began to clench and unclench his sphincter. He practiced that at home while masturbating, imagining Davey inside him. He even bought some taper candles of varying widths and lengths for the purpose, cutting off the wicks. His body heat softened them comfortably but he never used them to the point where they’d be softer than Davey at his most erect. Maybe he’d ask Davey to take him dildo shopping; he knew that would please him to no end.

Davey responded immediately to the rhythmic gripping and sped up. His thrusts were now fast, jabbing and deep. He was unable to pull out of Nils’ practiced tightness, even if he’d wanted to, which he definitely did not. “Oh, babe, you’re sooo good,” Davey panted, close to his climax, his fingernails digging into Nils thighs.

Nils was driving himself crazy with the muscle tightening and felt that he could come with Davey , ‘though he wanted direct, purposeful stimulation. He was rubbing his erection against the bed, leaking pre-cum. Davey became still for a moment and Nils could swear he felt Davey’s dick swell before exploding inside him. Davey cried out loudly, announcing his orgasm.

Nils was still clenching and relaxing as Davey softened. Davey leaned forward on his back, hugging him and kissing whatever he could reach. He softly laughed, “Please stop that, I can’t take anymore, let me go.”

Nils barely heard him over the pounding in his ears, and the throbbing in his cock. He was desperate for release. Davey realized this after a moment and gently grasp his shoulder, turning him over onto his back.  
Davey grabbed a couple of pillows and wedged them under his own knees. They were getting sore and he was going to need them later tonight at the show.

He settled down on his heels and wrapped his hand around the base of Nils’ cock, encircling it there with his thumb and forefinger and gently squeezed. Nils moaned and pre-cum seeped from his slit. Davey delicately licked it away. More appeared and Davey licked that away, too. Lick, ooze, lick, ooze, lick…”I could play this game all night,” Davey thought gleefully. Nils whimpered, “Davey, please!” and he realized he was torturing his lover. He looked up at that lovely face, flushed with reckless longing. “Sorry, baby. I’ve missed your taste so much.”

Without hesitation, Davey swallowed Nils’ penis, loving the feel of the silky texture on his tongue. He closed his eyes and began to suck rhythmically and forcefully. Nils wrapped his legs around Davey’s strong shoulders , pulling his mouth to him even tighter. He was gasping and moaning and so close.

Suddenly, he was seized with the desire to see Davey giving him head. He raised himself up on his elbows and saw his cock deep in Davey’s mouth. The ecstatic expression on his face sent Nils reeling over the edge. He felt his balls tighten just before his semen pulsed up and out of his cock into Davey’s throat. Davey groaned in appreciation and swallowed until he tasted nothing and Nils began to soften.

Davey gently released him and kissed his way up to Nils’ mouth, where he deep-kissed him. He placed a light kiss on each eyelid and on his chin. Then he climbed up to the top of the bed and pulled down the coverlet and sheets (“Umm, nice quality,” Davey observed .) He plumped the pillows and gracefully slid into the inviting nest. He held out a slender, manicured hand to Nils. “Won’t you join me?”

Nils clambered up to Davey and got under the covers with him. They arranged themselves, Davey resting his cheek against Nils’ smooth, pale chest, his light stubble tickling the sensitive skin. Nils was mildly surprised. “You need a shave.’’

“I do that just before the show….I’m so excited you’re here for this one tonight! When was the last one?”

“Irvine.”

“Irvine. I’ve meant to ask you about that. We hugged backstage before, then I saw you in the VIP section during, and then afterward, you disappeared. No one knew where you’d gone. You didn‘t answer your phone. It was quite disconcerting, my dear.”

“I’m sorry about that. I just didn’t feel comfortable going to the after-parties with Jef…” Nils stopped himself, but too late.

“Jeffree?? He upset you? What did he do to you?” Davey was already getting a little angry. He knew what a bitch Jeffree could be when he wanted.

“Oh, nothing. Never mind. It was stupid…” Nils avoided Davey’s intense eyes.

Davey was truly fond of Jeffree and had been since the first night they met on New Year's Eve on a cold, damp San Francisco street. Jeffree - a young, emaciated, bedraggled streetwhore - had approached and offered Davey a blowjob for $20.

Davey had made a counter-offer of all the kid could eat at Davey's favorite restaurant. While Jeffree stuffed himself, Davey made calls to all his straightedge friends and set up a series of temporary homes for Jeffree. Davey was disappointed that he hadn't committed to being edge but that was something you can't force on someone. Not even Nils had made that decision,("Yet," thought Davey smugly.)

Despite all that, no one messed with Nils. Davey wasn't going to let this slide.

“Nils. Tell me the truth.” His chin was being firmly held and turned to face Davey.

Nils felt like an idiot but knew he had to confess. “He was going around saying to anyone who could hear, ‘I’m the singer’s boyfriend.’ What was I supposed to do? Bitchslap him? Challenge him to a lipstick duel for your hand?  
I just had to leave. I‘m sorry - you guys gave an awesome concert that night.”

Davey wanted to make all kinds of smart replies, thoroughly enjoying the scenarios in his head. But all of them would’ve been unkind, considering how hurt and inwardly humiliated Nils had been.

Davey stroked Nils’ hair lovingly. “Nils, you can’t listen to a word he says, you know that. I’m sure he stopped once he knew you were gone. I never heard him say it. If I had, I would’ve said, very loudly, 'No, you’re not. You’re my housekeeper.' He wouldn't have liked that!”

Nils giggled. “I know, it was silly. I’m sorry that I worried you.” He really was, too. ‘Davey’s the best goddamn boyfriend on earth,’ he thought contently and pulled Davey closer, snuggling.

“No problem.” Davey kissed him. “I’m just so glad you’re here. Let’s catch a nap. Before I know it, it’ll be _showtime_."

 

 

********************************************

Hunter and Adam returned noisily to the band’s hotel suite, laughing and talking about the film they supposedly saw. “Where’s Dave?,” Hunter tried to sound casual.

Jade was stretched out on the sofa, deep into his new book. He almost answered truthfully, “In his bedroom, fucking Nils, who appeared mysteriously a few hours ago," giving Adam an accusing look.  
Instead, he just pointed to Davey’s closed door and hoped they hadn’t locked it.

“I’ll just ask him about getting something to eat before we have to get ready,” Hunter mumbled as an excuse. He didn’t like how quiet it was down the hall and wanted reassurance that Davey hadn’t slit his wrists or something. He and Adam had really spent most of the afternoon psychoanalyzing Davey and his traumatic past over numerous cups of coffee and a few guilty cigarettes, enjoyed without the disapproving glares of Davey and Jade.

Maybe that’s why Hunter jumped and yelled, “OH, SHIT!” when he opened the door, then embarrassed, quickly shut it again.

Adam heard him. Alarmed, he rushed down the hall. “What’s wrong?!”  
Hunter wouldn’t meet his eyes and he was red in the face. Getting no answer, Adam opened the door himself and was surprised to see Davey and Nils, exposed down to their hips, sleeping peacefully in each other’s arms.

He quietly pulled the door closed. Speaking to no one in particular, he observed, “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong at all.”

Hunter and Adam returned to the living room and looked at each other. “What the fuck is that noise?,” Adam asked Hunter. Then they both looked at the sofa where Jade was snickering behind his book.  
  


_The Prayer Position_

_Pushed to our knees, so let us pray_   
_And all together we'll bring the real rain._   
_Watch all that's wasted wash away._   
_So let it come. Our will be done._

 

 The End

 

  
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This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=4340>


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